Release

I was so nervous. It was the kind that made you feel like you were just punched in the stomach. My hands were so sweaty that I could wring them out and fill a small swimming pool. A swimming pool that I was steadily sinking in. The pressure of the water kept my mouth closed, in fear of drowning in my words, until my thoughts rescued me. He helped me up, aiding in the rescue. I knew he felt the wave of emotions pulling me under as he grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

The room was small and full of unfamiliar faces. Their heads didn’t match their bodies at first. There was a thin piece of glass. I was treading on it. Scared to move, blink, even breathe, I felt my heart shrivel up and I squeezed his hand lingering on the words he spoke: “its okay, they’ll love you, I do.” He let me go, I felt as if I was being forced to jump ship. Thrown into a sea of people without a life jacket I was screaming on the inside, loving and hating him at the same time.

I let down my guards, allowing them to pick at me, until my insides were displayed for all to see. They weren’t so bad after all. I could tell where he got his qualities, from his slight Wyoming accent, to the way he wore his clothes. I began to spread out my arms, swim into everyone. Then I realized I’m here to discover him. This wasn’t about me, as selfishly as I wanted it to be. I needed to know him, uncover his shadowed identity, as they were doing to me. Unhesitant his family opened up, let me into their world, until we were all one. For once I felt equal to a stranger.

Later on, when the sun lowered enough for the eye to admire the patterns it left in the sky, he captured me. Grabbing my hand as he did once before, we escaped. The trees seemed as if they were trying to catch the sun. No one was around, just us. Everything I knew or wanted to know, my insecurities, flaws, they all left me. Watching the sunset leave our silhouettes painted on the ground made me smile. As I looked into his hollow eyes I was lost, but found him holding onto me. He kissed me, I held onto it, until it burned inside, then I let go.